Rethinking Birth

I’m now 27 weeks.  I love my OB – he’s supportive and answers my questions and doesn’t stress me out unnecessarily and hasn’t said one word so far about induction or c-section.  I think he’ll be supportive of the birth I want, and I hope I can get through this experience without Picotin or having my water broken or being strapped to a zillion machines.

But those are dangers, and it makes me anxious.

I probably should wait to post about this until I finish reading the book that’s started my brain on this track, but it’s been at the forefront of my mind lately and I just need to think things through a bit.

If I had to do it all again, I would probably have a midwife and go to a birthing center.  Women who go that route are less likely to be induced, and they’re less likely to have a c-section.  Woman-supported birth just sounds right for me, but now I really feel like it’s too late to make a change.  Is it? Probably not.  Maybe I’m just scared.  Maybe I want the supposed-comfort of the OB and the hospital for my first birth experience.  And maybe I’m just hoping and praying I won’t replicate the horrible birth experience so many of my friends have undergone.

One of my friends is giving birth in a hospital with an OB, but she has a doula as her birth coach.  I went back and forth about a doula,. but in the end I wasn’t sure I could justify the expense.  Now I worry that was a mistake, but I don’t know if it’s something we can financially swing.  And it makes me mad that insurance will pay for an OB but not a doula.  It doesn’t seem right to me.

Both Teddy and I were birthed by c-section.  I was breach.  I don’t know if the doctors made any effort to manually manipulate me into a head-down position, but I doubt it.  They just scheduled my mom for a c-section and that was that.  (It was the 70s.  It seems like everyone in the 70s were getting c-sections.)  Half a world away in India, Teddy was lazy.  He was in a happy place (doesn’t being in a womb sound like a happy place?) and labor just never started.  Then he stopped kicking, his mom got (justifiably) anxious, and the doctors performed a c-section.

I know my birth may not go the way I want.  A c-section may be necessary, and if that’s my fate than I will always have the option of a VBAC for Baby 2.  But a part of me is scared that by walking into that hospital, I’m just increasing my chances of a c-section that could have been avoided.

Still thinking it all through.  Trying to decide what I want and how to get it.  And wondering if I should have gone with the birthing center.  Sigh.


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